Rickey Lynn

Life Stinks

Lori lies on her death bed - not dead, but not alive. Today was my birthday - what a terrible birthday. Tomorrow is our anniversary - I pray she makes it through tomorrow. I can think of few things worse than if she were to pass on our anniversary. Fortunately, she missed our son's birthday on the 22nd, and she missed my and my daughter-in-law today. But each day she gets weaker and less responsive. I somehow think she has already left and all that is left is a body being kept going by machines. Tomorrow they will do an E.E.G. to check for brain activity. I don't know whether to pray for the test to be positive or negative. I'm no doctor, but I wonder if all this breakdown of the body will effect her mind if she recovers. Am I doing the right thing keeping her alive for now, or am I being a selfish bitch - keeping her for myself instead of letting her go. Will I ever know if what I am doing is the right thing - I believe Lori deserves every chance there is to live, but I also believe she should not have to suffer. Only I am allowed to suffer, and that I am doing plenty.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 10:01 PM