Rickey Lynn

I'm Losing my Lori

Lori is slowly slipping away from life. She is receiving more blood, her blood pressure medicine has been increased, she is bleeding internally, and anything that can go wrong is going wrong. I hurt. I hurt so much. I'm losing my best friend and partner. I had to go to the mortuary today to make arrangements, and I still haven't stopped crying. Sometimes I think God is so cruel -Lori is only 54 years old, and never got her wishes to visit France or Italy. She never got to finish publishing her other books. She never got to say goodbye. I never got to say goodbye. I wish I was dead - at least we could be together again. I have loved her as no other, and now she is almost gone. I loved you Lori; I still love you Lori; I will always love you Lori. Love Rickey Lynn

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 7:05 PM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS

Life Stinks

Lori lies on her death bed - not dead, but not alive. Today was my birthday - what a terrible birthday. Tomorrow is our anniversary - I pray she makes it through tomorrow. I can think of few things worse than if she were to pass on our anniversary. Fortunately, she missed our son's birthday on the 22nd, and she missed my and my daughter-in-law today. But each day she gets weaker and less responsive. I somehow think she has already left and all that is left is a body being kept going by machines. Tomorrow they will do an E.E.G. to check for brain activity. I don't know whether to pray for the test to be positive or negative. I'm no doctor, but I wonder if all this breakdown of the body will effect her mind if she recovers. Am I doing the right thing keeping her alive for now, or am I being a selfish bitch - keeping her for myself instead of letting her go. Will I ever know if what I am doing is the right thing - I believe Lori deserves every chance there is to live, but I also believe she should not have to suffer. Only I am allowed to suffer, and that I am doing plenty.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 10:01 PM 1 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS

My dearest Lori

My wife, my companion, my dearest friend, is in I.C.U. at Banner Samaritan Hospital, holding on by a thread. My heart has never cried out like it does now. 35 years together is a long time. I can honestly say that in those 35 years I've never given in to the temptation of another. When we said I Do, we both said it for a long future, and not just for a couple of years. I ache so much and so hard. My heart is shattering into pieces and I'm so afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. Marriage is so much more than legalized sex, and I wish people would understand that. It's a bond that is so intimate that most people never even understand the very beginnings of it, much less the depths of it. I pray daily for her to survive, but I fear all is for naught. Yet I don't dare turn my back, because that would be the one time she would need me the most, and I wouldn't be there. I'll try to post more regularly in the future if I can hold together long enough to do it.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 5:16 PM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS