Rickey Lynn

Terminating Pregnancy

I'm home, in front of the idiot tube, feeling sorry for myself. Now I'm no longer pregnant, and cannot become that way ever again, and I find myself so very sad about it. For the short time that I carried, I felt fantastic, and now, I feel so empty and depressed. My doctor gave me pills for depression, but its hard to have a pill make up for the loss of a child. My Rabbi tells me that Jewish law says that I did the right thing, and that the life of the mother is supposed to be more important that the life of the baby, but somehow that doesn't seem to make up for how I feel. I'd gladly give up my life for my children, and yet I didn't do that for this one, which makes me feel kind of selfish and having multiple standards. I guess the cramps are supposed to be the pain I should feel for the child. My head is so messed up now - I was awake almost the entire night last night thinking about today - what a horrible night - I cried till I had no more tears to cry and then the alarm clock went off. The doctor had me take one pill today, and I take the second one in the morning. Then its all over. I never gave it much thought, but it has occurred to me how easy we have made it to do this. I wanted this baby more than anyone will ever know and I can't have it - yet I look at all the people who don't want their babies and just terminate their pregnancies. What a shame. It's not fair.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 3:48 PM