Rickey Lynn

Terminating Pregnancy

I'm home, in front of the idiot tube, feeling sorry for myself. Now I'm no longer pregnant, and cannot become that way ever again, and I find myself so very sad about it. For the short time that I carried, I felt fantastic, and now, I feel so empty and depressed. My doctor gave me pills for depression, but its hard to have a pill make up for the loss of a child. My Rabbi tells me that Jewish law says that I did the right thing, and that the life of the mother is supposed to be more important that the life of the baby, but somehow that doesn't seem to make up for how I feel. I'd gladly give up my life for my children, and yet I didn't do that for this one, which makes me feel kind of selfish and having multiple standards. I guess the cramps are supposed to be the pain I should feel for the child. My head is so messed up now - I was awake almost the entire night last night thinking about today - what a horrible night - I cried till I had no more tears to cry and then the alarm clock went off. The doctor had me take one pill today, and I take the second one in the morning. Then its all over. I never gave it much thought, but it has occurred to me how easy we have made it to do this. I wanted this baby more than anyone will ever know and I can't have it - yet I look at all the people who don't want their babies and just terminate their pregnancies. What a shame. It's not fair.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 3:48 PM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS

Being Pregnant

I have wanted so desperately to have a child. At my age, I never expected to reach this goal. I think I've reached it - My mornings are filled with the experience of throwing up fairly often. Most of my lunches are ice cream with all kinds of toppings. My breasts are sore all the time, and I've gone from a 44C to a 44D. My tummy is starting to stick out, and a lot of my clothes are starting not to fit. My feet and hands have started to swell. Now I question myself - a 66 year old woman in the U.K. is pregnant, and she us being excoriated for it. People are saying she has no right to bring a child into the world at that age - yet others say that if your healthy and able to carry to term there is no reason not to have a child. I find myself wondering - what do I do? I'm not supposed to be able to be pregnant, yet I must be - besides, I must admit I want a child  so badly. Then again, at my age, am I being fair or am I being selfish. I really don't know. I go to the doctor on Wednesday  - I'll have to discuss it with her then.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 2:19 PM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS

On Motherhood

What a sad time this must be for those who have no children. Here it is mother's day, and no cards, no flowers, no dinner out. Is it right that we celebrate mother's day? What is it really? A celebration of successful procreation? Or is it really more - Is it a celebration of the person who nurtured us and helped us cope with growing up in a messy world. Is it really necessary that the child came from your womb - I don't think so. Many children are helped through growing up by others who have cared for them as much as a natal mother.  Personally, I will never forget my mother, as she influenced a huge portion of my life, and even though she is no longer among us, I still love her and miss her dearly. Happy Mother's Day Mom.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 9:42 AM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS

When is it right to be right?

When you have an argument with someone you care about, I wonder when it's right to be right. If you know you are right, do you have to be right, or is it right to just cave in so that the other person thinks they are right. But if you give up being right even though you are, does that mean you really were not right? Just when is it right to be right? Inquiring minds want to know.

posted by Rickey Lynn @ 7:19 PM 0 CLICK HERE TO POST COMMENTS